The Joy of Rambling

September 10, 2025

It has now been four and a half months since Jim passed. I cried for the first time two weeks ago. I’m not sure why. Grief has its own timetable.

Yes, life continues after you walk your loved one to death’s door. You say your goodbye and then what? The feeling is unsettling, raw and confusing. It’s as though your entire life has, up to this point, been consumed with anticipating the needs of an ailing person, adjusting to new stages, and being very, very patient. 

It was not my entire life. It just felt that way.

The first month after Jim’s death, friends visited and took me out, called and chatted and regularly checked in with me. But I felt alone. The house was suddenly quiet and knowing what to do from minute to minute with my day was challenging. 

So, I hopped on a plane.

Travel is a great way to adjust to loss, especially if it involves visiting people you love. I was able to participate in my daughter’s wedding in Minnesota a month after Jim’s death. I traveled to Hilton Head with friends and sat on the beach after that. In July I visited my sister in Boston for a week. We got up to my favorite beach on the coast of Maine. At the end of July, I, along with a close friend from MN, traveled to Tulsa and spent a week with my college roommate and her husband. Then in August, I was back in MN to go to the state fair with my daughter. I came home for one night and left for Wilmington NC for yet another beach vacation with a friend. 

Every time I came home, it got a little easier to be here. 

At first there were two weeks between trips, then three, then four. I think it was a healthy way to adjust.

I’m home now and my next trip is planned for mid-November. In the meantime, I’ll be having hip replacement surgery on Oct. 1. That will help me stay put for a little while. 

I am an extrovert, so it is hard to keep me down. For those who are not as socially inclined as me, the journey might be harder. Loneliness might be a constant sidekick. 

I have found that I am not the same person I was before my husband’s dementia. Rather than going back into teaching private piano lessons, I’ve opted to take on a caregiving role for an elderly woman whose husband has been stretched to his limit providing care for her. The sense of fulfillment and joy in this task is overwhelming. I have purpose.

If you have been in recovery mode from caregiving, I’d love to hear how you’ve managed. If you are especially uncomfortable with attending social gatherings, taking classes, or reaching out to friends, what are you doing to stay active? I’d like to put together some ideas and resources for others. It seems the numbers are increasing daily and life on the other side will become an important topic–especially if you have been your loved one’s full-time caregiver during the dementia journey. 

Share your thoughts, whatever they might be.