The Joy of Rambling

I sat outside tonight for a few minutes. Jim’s been going to bed earlier and earlier, so I took advantage of this to enjoy the transition of the sun making its way down, hiding behind a housetop across the street and leaving behind pink and yellow sky that lasted only minutes before turning to darkness.

Isn’t that just like our lives? Our sun rises at birth and makes its way up and up as we grow, mature, work, marry… or not, have kids… or not, lose our hearing, or mobility, or mind, until one day our sun descends behind a house, or a mountain, or an ocean, and then it is no more. Poof! It’s gone, just like that. 

My college friend, Tim, died this week. He had pancreatic cancer. He was a brilliant musician, teacher and exceptional guitarist. His Facebook post, which he timed to drop just after his death, was met with hundreds of remarks and condolences. Tim didn’t want all the hoopla of well-wishers and sadness as he finished out his final months, so he kept the diagnosis to himself. I only found out about it a few weeks ago and managed to get a card in the mail to him before he passed. I have no idea if he was able to read it. But now we, his friends, are left with lots of great memories and great music. We carry on, watching our own suns start to level off and descend in search of something to disappear behind.

Life is amazing. I absolutely love it. The joys, the sorrows, the mysteries. It’s all a mix of crazy endeavors, ups and downs, losses and gains, learning and growing and gaining wisdom. As I’ve aged, death has become the reality that is simply part of living. None of us will last forever. Jim is dying before my very eyes, and though I hate that he is suffering, (God, can’t you at least give him a peaceful, pain-free end??) I know that compared to the eternity that waits for him, this suffering is nothing. Absolutely nothing. I believe this with all my heart.

So, the truth is, we simply don’t know when our end will come, and we can either be afraid of that fact, or use it to spirit ourselves into further adventures. 

I want to go out like Tim. 

Here is part of his last post:

“It’d be wrong to ask you not to grieve for me, if sorrow is what you feel. If you need to be sad, make it just a little while, though, but not for too long. I’ve been at a place of peace and acceptance of this outcome for a while.

My life has been full of so much love, family, friends, and music! It has been very rich; and I’ve been able to live it on my own terms in ways others are not able, and for that, I am very grateful and satisfied. It’s been a wild, crazy ride!”

Yes Tim, it has certainly been that! I’m grateful for the moments I got to share with you on that ride. It made mine all the richer. Bless you, my friend.

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” 2 Corinthians 4:17

This photo is titled “Berklee Old Farts” in my folder.

L-R Mel, Jim, Andrea, Tim, Me