The Joy of Rambling

He doesn’t know where he is. He spent three days in panic and he lashed out at me relentlessly because I keep dragging him “here, there, and everywhere.” I couldn’t escape his anger and his badgering. He was in an enraged loop and there was no reasoning with him. Finally, yesterday afternoon I told him I felt sick and needed a nap. I just needed a break. I went into the sun-flooded guest room and collapsed on the bed. It was heaven. I dozed off and on, responding to his whistles occasionally (yes, he whistles for me), telling him I was napping, even though I had written it on the enormous white board that sits in front of his chair. 

When I finally got up an hour or so later, he picked right up where he’d left off. 

Him: Why did we come here? 

Me: Lower taxes, warmer climate, plus I had a job.

Him: I don’t want to die here. 

Me: We can go back to Barrington (his hometown), if you’d like. 

Him: But why did we come here to begin with? 

And so, the loop continued. I finally went out to the garage in search of his old photo album of Barrington, thinking it might comfort him. I came back in with a stack of framed pictures. I had him look at one, but he was too agitated to try and figure out what it was. 

He then asked me how far we were from Barrington. I looked it up. A 12-hour drive. Seven hundred forty-nine miles. A 2-hour flight to Chicago. And just like that, the tide turned. 

He was blown away. He had been thinking we were thousands and thousands of miles from his home. He apologized profusely and said he doesn’t know what’s wrong with his head. “I want my brain back,” he said. He asked how far away Barrington was so many times that I put it up on his board. He couldn’t read most of it, but the word Barrington stood out. Then he asked if we were in Barrington. At first I told him no, but we could fly there in 2 hours. Again, shocked elation! Apologies for not remembering we were that close. Utter relief. And then he got on the phone with his sister, Mary, and excitedly told her we were in Barrington. I was working on my computer, so I didn’t correct him. Mary just went along with it. Suddenly, after being berated for three days, I was the most wonderful person in the world because I had gotten him back to Barrington. 

I just wanted to cry. I still want to cry. But only because of how sad his false sense of relief made me.

Around 9:00 I said it was time for bed. He didn’t want to come, so I left him in his recliner. About an hour later I heard him talking. I got up to check, and sure enough, he was on the phone with Mary. 

This morning, I got a text from her saying he was waiting for me to come take him to Barrington last night. 

At midnight when I did go check on him, he was so grateful. He had been frightened because he didn’t know where he was. As I got him to follow me back to bed, he asked “So, we’re in Barrington, right?” 

“Yes, honey” 

“Thank God I have you! I thought I was thousands of miles away.” 

And to myself I said, you are.